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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,535

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Making waves on Reddit:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Trending via YouTube:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Channeling my inner pretzel to achieve expert-level bad posture.

Funny delivery driver quotes

New funny delivery driver quotes 👇

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

0

2 months ago

1794, 1994, around, asked, bad, birth, date, date of birth, delivery, delivery driver, driver, french, French Revolution, historical, historical joke, humor, i, joke, just, mate, misunderstanding, oh, revolution, right, said, sorry

Someone from 🇹🇷 has recently shared this quote.

117 shares on Pinterest this month.

All funny delivery driver quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Reddit this month:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

93 shares on Instagram this month:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

96 shares on Reddit this month:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Going bananas on Threads:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Seen just now on Threads:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Just landed via YouTube:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Spotted on Instagram:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny delivery driver quotes

New funny delivery driver quotes 👇

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

All funny delivery driver quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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