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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✹

Someone from đŸ‡±đŸ‡č has shared:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Someone from đŸ‡čđŸ‡č has bookmarked:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Someone from đŸ‡”đŸ‡Ÿ has viewed:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from đŸ‡§đŸ‡Œ has copied:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Someone from đŸ‡±đŸ‡č has copied:

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

Funny Quotes Data đŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,458

Social Media Log đŸ’«

Just shared via Messenger:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Going viral on WeChat:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Shared recently on X:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Going viral on Reddit:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Breaking via TikTok:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Spotted on YouTube:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Going viral on Twitch:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Funny drum quotes

Funny drum quotes đŸ„ bring the rhythm of laughter to every beat! Whether you’re a drummer or just love the sound of snare and cymbals, these witty one-liners will have you tapping your feet and cracking smiles. Get ready to strike a chord with humor that’s loud, proud, and totally on beat đŸŽ¶đŸ˜‚! Perfect for sharing with your drum squad or brightening up your music feed.

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All funny drum quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Slack this month:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

97 shares on X this month:

I don’t understand how spending more money than I earn is irresponsible. I’m giving more than I take. I’m generous.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

39 shares on Telegram this month:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes đŸ’„

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

Funny Quotes Data đŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating


Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,521

Activity Log ✹

Someone from đŸ‡źđŸ‡· has copied:

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

Someone from 🇳đŸ‡Ș has shared:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Someone from 🇿đŸ‡Č has shared:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Someone from đŸ‡čđŸ‡č has shared:

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Someone from đŸ‡”đŸ‡­ has copied:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Someone from đŸ‡žđŸ‡± has bookmarked:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from đŸ‡żđŸ‡Œ has downloaded:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Someone from đŸ‡łđŸ‡· has copied:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Someone from đŸ‡©đŸ‡ż has viewed:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Social Media Log đŸ’«

Just shared via Twitch:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Trending via Slack:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Just shared via Messenger:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Going viral on Discord:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

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