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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Not my room, not my elephant.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,826

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Just landed via Instagram:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Just shared via X:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Trending via WeChat:

In these difficult times, it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Trending via Threads:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Home » Funny Federal Quotes

Funny federal quotes

Funny federal quotes bring a hilarious twist to government life and bureaucracy 😂🏛️ Whether you’re a policy geek or just love a good chuckle about red tape and regulations, these witty sayings will brighten your day 🌟💼 Get ready to laugh at the quirks of federal life and enjoy some clever humor that even the Capitol can’t resist! 🎉📜

New funny federal quotes 👇

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

0

2 months ago

1996, 1996 movie, believe, celebrate, celebration, comedy, culture, day, federal, federal holiday, hit, holiday, holiday humor, humor, independence, Independence Day, movie, movie reference, pop, pop culture, reference, still
We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

0

2 months ago

agency, bureaucracy, creativity, federal, federal agency, humor, imagination, irony, limitation, limited, only

All funny federal quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Twitch this month:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

25 shares on TikTok this month:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

68 shares on Slack this month:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

49 shares on WeChat this month:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

In banana years, I am bread.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,045

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Best thing about TikTok is you literally don’t need to follow anyone to have a good time.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Shared recently on WeChat:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Spotted on Telegram:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Seen just now on Threads:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Spotted on Snapchat:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Just landed via Reddit:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

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