Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,023

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Shared recently on X:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

Freshly posted on Slack:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Going bananas on Instagram:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Seen just now on Discord:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Live now on Threads:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Just landed via Threads:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Home » Funny Federal Quotes

Funny federal quotes

Funny federal quotes bring a hilarious twist to government life and bureaucracy 😂🏛️ Whether you’re a policy geek or just love a good chuckle about red tape and regulations, these witty sayings will brighten your day 🌟💼 Get ready to laugh at the quirks of federal life and enjoy some clever humor that even the Capitol can’t resist! 🎉📜

New funny federal quotes 👇

All funny federal quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

49 shares on TikTok this month:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

61 shares on X this month:

I once made a joke to a coworker, and she said, “It was the funniest thing I ever said,” and suggested I post it. It got 10 likes.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

71 shares on Discord this month:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

78 shares on Slack this month:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have a favourite person, but I do have a favourite cheese.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,924

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Trending via YouTube:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Going viral on Facebook:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Going viral on Discord:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴