Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Spotted on Facebook:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Just shared via Twitch:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Live now on X:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

Going viral on Discord:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Going viral on Telegram:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Funny headlight quotes

Funny headlight quotes 🚗💡 are the perfect way to brighten up your day and add a little humor to those nighttime drives! Whether you’re stuck in traffic or cruising down a dark road, these witty lines will have you shining brighter than your headlights. Get ready to laugh, light up your mood, and see the road from a whole new, hilarious perspective! 😄✨

New funny headlight quotes 👇

All funny headlight quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Threads this month:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

15 shares on Discord this month:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s. You’re home from the party before you used to go out for the party in your 20s.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,712

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Making waves on TikTok:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Just landed via Threads:

I was dropped as an adult.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Just landed via Discord:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

Spotted on X:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

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