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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,689

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

Just shared via Reddit:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Just landed via WeChat:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

Trending via Snapchat:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Trending via X:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on X this month:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,670

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Breaking via Slack:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Seen just now on X:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Making waves on Instagram:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Shared recently on Slack:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Going viral on Reddit:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Just shared via YouTube:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

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