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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,522

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

Just landed via Messenger:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

Spotted on WeChat:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Live now on YouTube:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Trending via Messenger:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Trending via Facebook:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Breaking via Facebook:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Funny insights quotes

New funny insights quotes 👇

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

2 weeks ago

activity, data, enough, excel, fun, fun activity, habits, humor, i, insights, listening, music, personal, personal insights, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, spreadsheet, technology, want, wrapped

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55 shares on Slack this month:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Making waves on Messenger:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Trending via Twitch:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Just shared via Instagram:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Breaking via WeChat:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Live now on Slack:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

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Funny insights quotes

New funny insights quotes 👇

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

All funny insights quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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