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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Things I hate about group work: The group.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,597

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Just shared via Threads:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Just shared via X:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Seen just now on Discord:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Making waves on Messenger:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Shared recently on WeChat:

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Just shared via Instagram:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Spotted on Instagram:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Slack this month:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

55 shares on Reddit this month:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

83 shares on Slack this month:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

78 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to call in sad to work.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,317

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

Trending via Threads:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Going viral on Instagram:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Making waves on Twitch:

I can resist everything except temptation.

Live now on Instagram:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Breaking via Threads:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Seen just now on Messenger:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Shared recently on X:

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

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