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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,537

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Just shared via Twitch:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Trending via Slack:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Spotted on WeChat:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Live now on Telegram:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Just landed via Twitch:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Seen just now on X:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Funny married life quotes

New funny married life quotes 👇

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

0

2 months ago

5, after, anniversary, couple, getting, honeymoon, humor, life, long-term, marriage, married, married life, opinion, relationship, right, road, term, unpopular

Someone from 🇵🇼 has recently copied this quote.

28 shares on Telegram this month.
Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

0

3 months ago

communication, days, definitely, humor, life, married, married life, me, misunderstanding, never, only, partner, relationship, repetition, row, same, say, sentence, telling, told

Someone from 🇹🇳 has recently bookmarked this quote.

49 shares on Snapchat this month.

All funny married life quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on X this month:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

73 shares on Instagram this month:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

13 shares on X this month:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

52 shares on Threads this month:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Just shared via Slack:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Just landed via Instagram:

Is this art or trash?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Trending via Snapchat:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Trending via Snapchat:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny married life quotes

New funny married life quotes 👇

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

All funny married life quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨