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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,485

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Just shared via Instagram:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Just landed via YouTube:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Trending via Telegram:

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

Live now on Telegram:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Live now on Telegram:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

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New funny melting quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

My mom sent me a text message so long I had to refill my Adderall prescription to read it.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,655

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Super excited about a brand new year full of questionable life choices.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I simply accept my extreme loneliness as punishment for something I did in a past life, and don’t worry about it.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Trending via Pinterest:

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

Trending via X:

Is this art or trash?

Making waves on Twitch:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Live now on Slack:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Trending via Snapchat:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

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