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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,591

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Breaking via Discord:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Seen just now on Threads:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Seen just now on Telegram:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Spotted on YouTube:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

Live now on YouTube:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

Funny midweek quotes

Funny midweek quotes are the perfect pick-me-up to conquer that Wednesday slump 😅💪. When the weekend feels miles away, a little humor can turn your midweek mood around 🌟😂. Ready to laugh your way through hump day and keep the good vibes rolling? Let’s dive into some witty, lighthearted sayings that make the middle of the week feel a whole lot brighter! 🎉🤣

New funny midweek quotes 👇

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Wednesday.

7 days ago

anticipation, disappointment, Friday, humor, irony, midweek, nothing, only, ruins, Wednesday, workweek
It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

1 week ago

expression, humor, humor expression, midweek, only, realization, realize, starting, sucks, Thursday, Wednesday, week, week starting, weekday, workweek
Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

3 weeks ago

everything, heroine, humor, midweek, novel, questioning, questions, reflection, stares, Wednesday, where, window

All funny midweek quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

59 shares on Discord this month:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

17 shares on Discord this month:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

97 shares on Threads this month:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Human hibernation should be a thing.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I was born in the right generation. I love bedrotting and scrolling through Twitter all day.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Live now on Twitch:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Going bananas on Slack:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Going viral on Facebook:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Just landed via Instagram:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Spotted on Messenger:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

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