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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,752

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Just landed via X:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Trending via TikTok:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Spotted on Telegram:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Spotted on YouTube:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Live now on X:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

Spotted on X:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Going viral on WeChat:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

Funny neutral quotes

Funny neutral quotes bring a perfect blend of wit and balance 😄⚖️—no taking sides, just pure amusement! They’re ideal for those moments when you want to keep things light and clever without stirring the pot 🎭✨. Ready to laugh without the drama? Dive into the world of humor that stays right in the middle, making everyone smile 😊🎉!

New funny neutral quotes 👇

All funny neutral quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Messenger this month:

I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.

13 shares on X this month:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

22 shares on Twitch this month:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

96 shares on X this month:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I wish I was a millennial, so I could talk about sex with my friends.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,498

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Trending via Slack:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Making waves on Discord:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

Breaking via X:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Live now on WeChat:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Trending via Telegram:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Just landed via YouTube:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

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