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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Jan 7, 2026

3,301

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Breaking via Discord:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Trending via X:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Alexa, mute my children.

Live now on X:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Spotted on Snapchat:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Trending via Messenger:

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

Just shared via Reddit:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

Shared recently on Messenger:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Funny paralysis quotes

Funny paralysis quotes bring a lighthearted twist to a serious topic, turning moments of stillness into bursts of laughter 😂✨. Whether you’re stuck in a mental jam or just feeling a bit frozen 🧊, these witty lines will tickle your funny bone and remind you that even pause buttons can have their perks 😄🎉. Get ready to smile through the freeze!

New funny paralysis quotes 👇

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

0

2 months ago

enough, goodnight, humor, jealousy, know, man, men, paralysis, relationship, rest, sleep, sleep paralysis, woman

Someone from 🇲🇳 has recently copied this quote.

102 shares on WhatsApp this month.
I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

0

2 months ago

age, cross-legged, days, floor, full-body, getting, getting older, humor, limitations, older, paralysis, physical, physical limitations, sitting, where

Someone from 🇱🇻 has recently bookmarked this quote.

79 shares on Slack this month.

All funny paralysis quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on YouTube this month:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

53 shares on Discord this month:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

73 shares on Telegram this month:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,589

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Making waves on Messenger:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Just shared via Reddit:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Trending via Snapchat:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Trending via TikTok:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Just shared via YouTube:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

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