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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,372

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

Just shared via Messenger:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Trending via Reddit:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Just landed via Slack:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Making waves on Snapchat:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Funny talking to pet quotes

New funny talking to pet quotes 👇

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

2 days ago

alone, asking, bastards, dumb, forgetfulness, humor, know, lazy, lazy pet, living, living alone, never, pet, pets, phone, seen, talking, talking to pet

All funny talking to pet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

91 shares on Slack this month:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Spotted on Reddit:

My life coach traded me.

Going viral on Threads:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Trending via Instagram:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Trending via Snapchat:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Just landed via TikTok:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Going bananas on Discord:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

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Funny talking to pet quotes

New funny talking to pet quotes 👇

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

All funny talking to pet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨