76 funny therapy quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

May 26, 2026

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

May 25, 2026

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

May 25, 2026

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

May 25, 2026

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

May 25, 2026

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

May 25, 2026

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

May 24, 2026

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

May 24, 2026

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

May 24, 2026

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

May 24, 2026

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

May 24, 2026

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

May 24, 2026

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

May 24, 2026

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

May 24, 2026

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

May 24, 2026

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

May 24, 2026

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

May 23, 2026

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

May 23, 2026

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

May 23, 2026

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

May 23, 2026

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

May 22, 2026

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

May 22, 2026

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

May 22, 2026

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

May 22, 2026

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

May 22, 2026

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

May 21, 2026

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

May 21, 2026

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

May 21, 2026

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

May 21, 2026

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

May 20, 2026

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

May 20, 2026

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

May 20, 2026

Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

May 20, 2026

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

May 19, 2026

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

May 19, 2026

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

May 19, 2026