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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Please solve a murder to prove you’re not a bot.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,595

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Going bananas on Discord:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

Making waves on Facebook:

Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Broadcasted on Discord:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Funny today’s quotes

Funny today’s quotes bring a burst of laughter and good vibes to your day 😂✨ Whether you need a quick pick-me-up or just a clever twist to brighten your mood, these gems are perfect for sharing and smiling 😄💬 Get ready to sprinkle some joy and keep the fun rolling—because who says every day can’t be a little hilarious? 🎉🤣 #MoodBooster #LOL

New funny today’s quotes 👇

All funny today’s quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Young witches boil every cauldron on high.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

19 shares on X this month:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

99 shares on Threads this month:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,433

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

The shitshow must go on.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Just shared via Snapchat:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Going viral on Telegram:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Going viral on Telegram:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Making waves on Telegram:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Just shared via Reddit:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Shared recently on TikTok:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Breaking via X:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

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