Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

83 shares on Slack this month:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Some days I feel I’m on top of the world, and other days it feels like the world is on top of me.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.