Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

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What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

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We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

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Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

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Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

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That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

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“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

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Enjoy the time between diapers!

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Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

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I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

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We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.