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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

In the 90s, you’d always find your way to some stranger’s house.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,697

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Live now on Threads:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Just landed via Telegram:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Going viral on Pinterest:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Just landed via Slack:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Going viral on WeChat:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Live now on Reddit:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Making waves on Reddit:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Going viral on Reddit:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Enjoying the sweet spot between cumbersome dial-up tones and AI overlords 😂📞🤖

AI, before, birth, born, dead, death, dystopia, future, glad, got, humanity, humor, i, internet, life, technology, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

0

2 months ago

diet, fast, fast food, food, humor, joke, killed, McRib, tapeworm
Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

0

4 months ago

experience, humor, laptop, outdoors, outside, working
The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

0

2 months ago

card, humor, i, joke, magic, magician, me, pick, told, trick, Visa
My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

0

2 months ago

chainsaw, favorite, humor, massacre, quirky, stereotype, Texa, things, toast
Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

0

2 months ago

dating, exercise, fitness, girl, humor, i, interaction, me, noticed, run, today, walk
I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

0

4 weeks ago

absolutely, anything, communication, except, excuse, friends, friendship, honesty, humor, i, just, know, loyalty, message, need, procrastination, reply, texting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Threads this month:

Alexa, mute my children.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

62 shares on Slack this month:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨