Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,763

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Live now on Facebook:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Enjoying the sweet spot between cumbersome dial-up tones and AI overlords 😂📞🤖

AI, before, birth, born, dead, death, dystopia, future, glad, got, humanity, humor, i, internet, life, technology, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

0

2 months ago

account, five, humor, minutes, moment, money, paycheck, silence, spending
Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

0

2 months ago

expectation, experience, humor, lesson, want, wanted
Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

0

2 months ago

board, comedy, confusion, contain, critique, film, film critique, humor, just, movie, movie rating, naked, never, nudity, people, rating, ratings, ratings board, saw, someone, sure
People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

0

2 months ago

around, backyard, body, buried, domestic, domestic life, fashion, fun, house, humor, jeans, life, people, wear
There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

0

2 months ago

food, friendship, humor, keep, life, people, plate, relationships, steal, types
Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

0

5 months ago

ask, communication, conversation, dating, humor, irony, men, met, never, personality, question, questions, relationship, say, yourself, zero

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

88 shares on Discord this month:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

81 shares on Discord this month:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

72 shares on TikTok this month:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

Breaking via WeChat:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Making waves on WeChat:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Breaking via Instagram:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Making waves on Discord:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨