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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,396

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Just landed via Slack:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Just shared via Twitch:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Just landed via Messenger:

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Trending via Pinterest:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Just landed via X:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote highlighting nostalgia for pre-internet days and humor about AI's future.

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Commentary:
Enjoying the sweet spot between cumbersome dial-up tones and AI overlords 😂📞🤖

AI, before, birth, born, dead, death, dystopia, future, glad, got, humanity, humor, i, internet, life, technology, time

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99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

90 shares on Reddit this month:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

85 shares on X this month:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

53 shares on Discord this month:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

65 shares on X this month:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

48 shares on Discord this month:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Making waves on Discord:

Grok, put light in her eyes.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Just shared via Slack:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

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Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Keep the laugh going 😂

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨