Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,611

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Going viral on Slack:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Just shared via Telegram:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Going viral on Instagram:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Trending via Messenger:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Making waves on Facebook:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I missed the memo from heaven's HR department 😂👼📄

career, destiny, faith, God, gods, humor, job, job search, LinkedIn, me, media, plan, search, social, social media

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

0

2 months ago

ambition, aspiration, bags, goal, Gucci, humor, land, luxury, materialism, never, success, wealth
Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, childhood, distraction, entertainment, fun, fun activity, hobby, i, leisure, less, phone, screen, screen time, something, spend, time, trying, TV, watching
If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

0

2 months ago

attempt, failure, humor, persistence, significant, statistically, statistically significant, success, times, try
Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

0

2 months ago

cartoon, emotional, everything, getting, humor, perseverance, resilience, Spongebob, thinking, through
Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

0

2 months ago

contact, day, device, every, house, humor, i, Interpol, irony, location, login, me, much, new, oh, phone, sarcasm, say, single, thank, warning
Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

0

2 months ago

barber, change, every, fear, haircut, humor, men, new, trust, trying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Threads this month:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

69 shares on Slack this month:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Just shared via YouTube:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Making waves on Discord:

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Spotted on WeChat:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Breaking via Twitch:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Spotted on Telegram:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Just shared via Slack:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

Breaking via Snapchat:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨