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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,405

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Live now on Pinterest:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Just landed via Reddit:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

Trending via Messenger:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Going bananas on Discord:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Just landed via X:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Making waves on Twitch:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

Live now on X:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Seen just now on Telegram:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

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Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”
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Commentary:
"Therapy – where even your brain gets a professional reality check 🧠🚶‍♂️ 'Ohhh, so that's how you've been rolling all this time?'" 🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

61 shares on Threads this month:

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Shazam but for random noises outside.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,373

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Spotted on Snapchat:

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

Making waves on Telegram:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My toxic trait is optimism.

Seen just now on Threads:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Just landed via WeChat:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Trending via Snapchat:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Trending via YouTube:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

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