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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,602

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Shared recently on WeChat:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Live now on Twitch:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Stop using ChatGPT. I can feed you misinformation too and I’m also beautiful and funny sometimes.

Going viral on Instagram:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Going viral on Discord:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Going viral on Pinterest:

All I think about is death and sex.

Just landed via Twitch:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Spotted on Threads:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Just landed via Twitch:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

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Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.
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Commentary:
Sounds like we need the cheat code for life before hitting the high score 🤔🕹️ #StackingUp

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

96 shares on Facebook this month:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

At least life has music.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wow, another wooden ball. Would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there?

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Wake me up when I’m rich!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,574

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Breaking via Discord:

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

Just landed via Telegram:

They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

Going viral on WeChat:

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Just landed via Threads:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Spotted on Threads:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Freshly posted on X:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Trending via Slack:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

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