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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

33 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Reported on Instagram:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Just landed via Threads:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Shared recently on Threads:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Breaking via Pinterest:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Spotted on Instagram:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Just shared via X:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.
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Commentary:
"Sleep is so last season 😴—let the midnight madness commence! 🤪✈️"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

Updated

33 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

Live now on YouTube:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Making waves on Telegram:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Shared recently on X:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Spotted on Telegram:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Making waves on TikTok:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Just shared via YouTube:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

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