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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has viewed:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has shared:

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has viewed:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has copied:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has downloaded:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has shared:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has shared:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,426

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via YouTube:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Going viral on Slack:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Going viral on YouTube:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

Just landed via Discord:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Live now on WeChat:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Freshly posted on X:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Going viral on TikTok:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

0
Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.
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Commentary:
Too busy living that grasshopper life, practicing my foot-rubbing symphony πŸ¦—πŸ›οΈπŸ˜‚

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

πŸŽ‰πŸ₯‚ New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Threads this month:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

97 shares on Slack this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

15 shares on Discord this month:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

89 shares on Threads this month:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

I have a very active anti-social life.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€˜Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,474

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has shared:

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has copied:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has bookmarked:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has downloaded:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has shared:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has copied:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has downloaded:

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has shared:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Going viral on YouTube:

The Bachelor is like β€œMeet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Shared recently on Threads:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Just shared via Telegram:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Going viral on Telegram:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Live now on Discord:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

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