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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,849

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Freshly posted on Discord:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Going viral on Reddit:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sign me up for the email-writing Olympics, where caffeine, pajamas, and strategic emoji use are my secret weapons! 😂💻☕📧

corporate, corporate job, day, email, fake, fake job, home, humor, i, job, jobs, laptop, lazy, lazy work, life, office, office humor, open, outlook, paid, remote, remote work, responding, whatever, where, work, work from home, work life

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

0

3 months ago

astronomy, distance, humor, long distance, long-distance relationship, love, relationship, star, stars
You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

0

3 weeks ago

bit, evil, girl, humor, important, little, lose, me, meet, relationship, strange
Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

0

5 months ago

again, complaint, day, frustration, hell, humor, keeps, letting, Monday, time, week, workday
I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

0

2 months ago

cat, day, daydreaming, humor, i, leisure, rainy, stare, window, work
“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

0

2 months ago

Bluetooth, fun, game, humor, insane, lone, lone person, loud, observation, person, play, public, social, social observation, speaking
Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

0

2 months ago

absolutely, awkward, awkward moment, field, guy, humor, moment, pervert, reason, single, single guy, situation, sunflower, sunflower field, unusual, unusual situation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

62 shares on Slack this month:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

14 shares on Slack this month:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Seen just now on Slack:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Seen just now on Slack:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Going viral on Instagram:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Spotted on TikTok:

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Going viral on Slack:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Making waves on WeChat:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨