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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,671

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Spotted on Instagram:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Freshly posted on Threads:

When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

Breaking via Slack:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Broadcasted on X:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Live now on Reddit:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Going viral on X:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about laziness with a humorous eyebrow gesture and casual vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Brows up, communication up! 😂🙌 #LazinessLevel: Expert

eyebrow, eyebrow raise, eyebrows, greet, greeting, humor, i, interaction, laziness, lazy, people, raise, raising, social, social interaction

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77 shares on Snapchat this month:

All I think about is death and sex.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

70 shares on X this month:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

41 shares on Slack this month:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

26 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

93 shares on Threads this month:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Just landed via Threads:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Going viral on Messenger:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Just shared via Slack:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Making waves on WeChat:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Just landed via X:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

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Activity Log ✨

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨