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How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

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Brows up, communication up! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ™Œ #LazinessLevel: Expert



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The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

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I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

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I donโ€™t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

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Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

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Anti-capitalism is just code for โ€œI don’t know how anything works.โ€

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You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

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Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

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One day youโ€™re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

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I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

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Dudes be named Will but wonโ€™t.

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