Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,743

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

Making waves on Messenger:

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Shared recently on Threads:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Going viral on Slack:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Seen just now on Twitch:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Thinking you’re too smart to be manipulated is exactly how you get manipulated.

Just landed via YouTube:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

2 months ago

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Looks like I'm packing emotional baggage 🚚😅✈️

always, bring, family, guilt, humor, i, joke, know, luggage, me, mom, parenting, relationships, sarcasm, send, shell, travel, trip, visiting

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73 shares on YouTube this month:

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

22 shares on Slack this month:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

41 shares on Slack this month:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

50 shares on X this month:

The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Y’all shivering in this cold cause them Shein jackets made outta paper towels.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Going viral on Twitch:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Spotted on YouTube:

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

Spotted on Twitch:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Spotted on Telegram:

Being strange is exhausting.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Rock bottom ain’t even that bad of a place to be if you’re into collecting rocks.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨