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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,633

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“You’re under the weather?” We all are, idiot. It’s in the sky.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Just landed via Telegram:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Just landed via Threads:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Just landed via TikTok:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Live now on YouTube:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

Trending via Instagram:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

2 months ago

0

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"RIP to the bravest man who ever dared to tell a woman to 'calm down' 😂👋 May his memory serve as a cautionary tale for future generations of men everywhere! Farewell, dear sir, you shall be dearly missed… by no one. 🙅‍♂️"

am, calm, calm down, communication, goodbye, guess, humor, i, just, man, misunderstanding, relationship, told, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

0

2 months ago

academic, ending, humor, i, opinion, paper, procrastination, sarcasm, thesis, think, writing
Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

0

2 months ago

coworkers, distractions, everyone, hate, home, humor, i, message, messaging, remote, remote work, shopping, try, work, work from home
I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

0

2 months ago

determination, encouragement, exercise, fitness, hell, humor, hurts, i, just, know, motivation, push-up, think, workout
Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

0

2 months ago

advice, ChatGPT, communication, conversation, humor, me, question, stop, tech
In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

0

2 months ago

American, bible, eve, fast, fast food, food, humor, joke, McRib, religious, religious joke, satire
Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

0

2 months ago

bush, deforestation, euphemism, gardening, humor, trimming, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on YouTube this month:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

42 shares on Slack this month:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

54 shares on Threads this month:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,948

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Seen just now on X:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Broadcasted on X:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Just landed via Discord:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Going viral on Facebook:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Going viral on Messenger:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Breaking via TikTok:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Making waves on Twitch:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

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