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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Cheating on an exam by memorizing all the content beforehand so I can easily answer the questions.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,514

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Just shared via Reddit:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Just shared via Snapchat:

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

Making waves on X:

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Just landed via TikTok:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Going viral on Twitch:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Stretch goals… taken a bit too literally! 😂🧘‍♂️

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94 shares on Facebook this month:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Just landed via Telegram:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Going viral on WeChat:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Just landed via Messenger:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

Seen just now on X:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Spotted on Discord:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

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Activity Log ✨

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

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Activity Log ✨

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

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