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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,303

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Spotted on TikTok:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Making waves on Messenger:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Just landed via TikTok:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Going viral on Slack:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Just landed via Threads:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Going viral on Discord:

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

2 months ago

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Clearly, it's some kind of reverse psychology Jedi mind trick. 🧙‍♂️🔮😂

communication, exactly, hear, hearing, humor, i, irony, know, message, needs, people, phrase, say, think

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98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

54 shares on Facebook this month:

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

30 shares on Discord this month:

They should invent a grocery store that’s just for me and no one else.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I keep saying, “It is what it is,” but what even is it?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Going bananas on Instagram:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Making waves on X:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Spotted on TikTok:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Making waves on YouTube:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Maybe I’m wrong, but I still don’t think our parents realized how far we rode our bikes in the 80s and 90s.

Just landed via TikTok:

Let’s build a fort with blankets and pillows, and just stay in it all day.

Shared recently on WeChat:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

“You’re crazy.” God forbid I keep my family traits alive.

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

“You’re crazy.” God forbid I keep my family traits alive.

Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

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