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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Spotted on Discord:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Spotted on Facebook:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like the aliens chose the ultimate reality TV show to binge-watch: Planet Earth, Self-Destruction Edition! 🤖👽🍿

alien, aliens, apocalypse, bet, destroy, ever, extraterrestrial, gathering, humor, i, information, information gathering, just, self-destruction, speculation, think, us, waiting, well

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Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

55 shares on Threads this month:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

17 shares on X this month:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

11 shares on X this month:

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

100 shares on Discord this month:

You can generate images with your mind whenever you want. You don’t even need AI.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Just shared via X:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Trending via Twitch:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Spotted on Facebook:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

Just landed via Instagram:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Going viral on Instagram:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Being strange is exhausting.

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨