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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,384

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Spotted on Discord:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Live now on Twitch:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Trending via Twitch:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

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I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.
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Commentary:
When your imaginary friends have their own imaginary drama 🤖👽🤝✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Part of getting older is having a favorite pen.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

97 shares on Slack this month:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the ick in fantastic.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,711

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Trending via Reddit:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Shared recently on Instagram:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Going viral on Facebook:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Going viral on Threads:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

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