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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has copied:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has shared:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has shared:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has copied:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,509

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Trending via X:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Breaking via Slack:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Just landed via X:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Breaking via Instagram:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Spotted on Telegram:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Spotted on WeChat:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

Just shared via Instagram:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Funny text about keeping a burrito warm with a car seat heater, playful and witty.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just out here multitasking like a pro – warming up both my seat and my burrito because priorities, am I right? πŸš—πŸ”₯🌯 #LifeHacks"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Telegram this month:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

96 shares on Instagram this month:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

61 shares on Threads this month:

Love low-hanging fruit. Easiest kind to obtain, in my opinion.

34 shares on Slack this month:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

86 shares on Slack this month:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Girls will be like β€œit’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œI’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Gonna start using β€œwith all dude respect”.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ή has shared:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡­ has copied:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has copied:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡· has shared:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has viewed:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­ has copied:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Slack:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Just shared via Messenger:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Trending via Pinterest:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Seen just now on Discord:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Spotted on Slack:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Live now on Messenger:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Shared recently on Slack:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Making waves on Telegram:

Commenting β€œAI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

Freshly posted on X:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

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