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Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Just landed via Slack:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Live now on TikTok:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Just shared via Messenger:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Clever and humorous quote about depression, comparing it to managing a stock portfolio of sadness.

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Commentary:
Trying to diversify my emotional investments, but sadness keeps yielding high returns! 📉😂🔄

depression, emotional, emotional investment, health, humor, i, invested, investment, irony, joke, manage, mental, mental health, mental health joke, mental struggle, people, sadness, say, stock, struggle

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98 shares on Reddit this month:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

87 shares on Slack this month:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

12 shares on Threads this month:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why did they call it an AI-generated picture and not a ‘fauxtograph’?

28 shares on Threads this month:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

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Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

They’re calling me the unemployee of the month.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Many greetings from my coffee. Y’all are talking too much again.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Shared recently on Threads:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Making waves on Snapchat:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Seen just now on Facebook:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Trending via Slack:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Shared recently on Telegram:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

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Activity Log ✨

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

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Activity Log ✨

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

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