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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

The amount of family secrets you uncover as you get older is wild.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Broadcasted on Slack:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Just shared via YouTube:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Making waves on YouTube:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Trending via Twitch:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Going bananas on X:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Trending via Messenger:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When they give you that gaze, it's either deep wisdom or they remembered where they hid your snacks! 👀😂

confidence, contact, curiosity, eye, eye contact, humor, i, interaction, know, mystery, people, social, social interaction, something

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

0

2 months ago

casual, commitment, conversation, dating, end, humor, love, marriage, proposal, relationship, someone, tell
Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, attraction, chemistry, cook, cooking, crush, date, emotional, emotional intelligence, emotionally, hot, humor, intelligence, intelligent, man, manifestation, serendipity, staring
I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

0

2 months ago

blood, call, cravings, eat, emotions, everything, everywhere, feel, huge, humor, i, me, menstruation, people, period, scared, shark, Shark week, snapping, want, week
It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

0

2 months ago

expectations, experience, humor, marriage, married, nice, people, relationship
I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

0

2 months ago

am, America, depression, economy, enter, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, relate, too
Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

0

2 months ago

commitment, engagement, getting, humor, just, love, marriage, married, need, relationship, soon, spouse, wedding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Instagram this month:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

94 shares on Slack this month:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

95 shares on Messenger this month:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Going viral on Facebook:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Spotted on Twitch:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Seen just now on Threads:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨