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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s not real, so calm down.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,514

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Trending via Slack:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Spotted on TikTok:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Spotted on Twitch:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Shared recently on X:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Just shared via Facebook:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Live now on Instagram:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Just landed via Threads:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you're in the Walking Olympics and nobody told your friend 😂🏃‍♂️🏅 #CatchMeIfYouCan"

actually, analogy, competitive, competitive humor, fast, fast walking, humor, i, losing, note, observation, people, playful, playful sarcasm, race, race analogy, sarcasm, social, social observation, speed, walk, walker, walking, walking speed

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

0

5 months ago

cancel, humor, meeting, meetings, motivation, procrastination, productivity, sign, today, work, work meeting
Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

0

3 months ago

class, depression, ever, gone, i, just, regret, relatable, school, skip, skip class, student
Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

0

2 months ago

cat, cats, follow, humor, i, Litterboxd, oh, pets, should
While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

0

2 months ago

argument, drank, drinking, glass, glass of water, humor, mindset, opportunist, optimist, perspective, pessimist, water, while, wit
Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

0

2 months ago

abs, diet, fitness, food, humor, irony, kebab
She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

0

2 months ago

adventure, anthony, Anthony Bourdain, bourdain, calls, cooking, eat, food, foodie, humor, i, me, parts, playful, relationship, reservations, restaurant, restaurant humor, unknown

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

92 shares on X this month:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

48 shares on X this month:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

87 shares on Threads this month:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

13 shares on Discord this month:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

96 shares on Threads this month:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Shared recently on Threads:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Just shared via YouTube:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Breaking via TikTok:

Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

Going viral on YouTube:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Just landed via WeChat:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨