I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

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Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

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The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

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Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

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No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

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Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

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I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

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People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

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Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

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I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

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Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.