Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,346

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Live now on Pinterest:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Spotted on TikTok:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Making waves on Instagram:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Just shared via YouTube:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Going bananas on Slack:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Just shared via Threads:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Just shared via Reddit:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying my best to sound professional while internally screaming 🗣️😅🤯

communication, good, humor, i, love, phrase, sarcasm, saying, shit, sounds, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

0

2 months ago

adventure, enter, forest, humor, i, nature, next, secret, told, trees, warning
Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

0

2 months ago

activity, after, carry, dating, fish, guys, holding, humor, just, marriage, over, picture, pictures, profile, profile picture, relationship, threshold
Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

0

2 months ago

audacity, bigger, carry, fashion, fashion joke, gender, gender stereotype, help, humor, jeans, joke, men’s, men’s jeans, pocket, pocket size, pockets, size, stereotype
“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

0

3 weeks ago

20, frustration, full-time, got, hours, humor, man, management, max, ridiculous, should, stuff, time, time management, work, work hours, workload
My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

0

2 months ago

cheese, food, happiness, humor, joke, life, song, sunshine
Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

0

2 months ago

airplane, baby, babysitting, feeding, funny situation, here, humor, i, just, know, parenting, right, saying, situation, twin, weird

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

21 shares on X this month:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

10 shares on Discord this month:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

87 shares on Telegram this month:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

10 shares on Threads this month:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Going viral on X:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Spotted on X:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Spotted on Snapchat:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Making waves on Slack:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Going viral on Discord:

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

Spotted on Slack:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨