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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I’ll be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,329

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Just shared via Slack:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Going viral on YouTube:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Breaking via Threads:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Just landed via Slack:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Shared recently on Slack:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Trending via Pinterest:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time to Thanos-snap those follows into thin air! ✨🚶‍♂️💨

breakup, displeasure, frustration, humor, i, last, leave, love, me, media, people, sight, social, social media, time, unfollowing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

0

1 month ago

after, again, blush, cute, cute moment, giggle, goodnight, i, just, late, late night, love, me, message, moment, night, over, reread, romance, said, text, texts
The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

0

2 months ago

actor, comedy, doubtfire, dumb, family, figure, humor, kids, misunderstanding, movie, mrs., Mrs. Doubtfire, nanny, pretty, robin, Robin Williams, time, whole, williams
Eating healthy requires a second job.

0

2 months ago

diet, eating, healthy, healthy eating, humor, job, lifestyle, money, second, work
Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

0

2 months ago

ask, confidentiality, humor, interaction, joke, me, NDA, privacy, sarcasm, sign, social, social interaction
I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, body, body language, fine, humor, language, leg, reaction, shake, speed
I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

0

2 months ago

always, communication, honesty, humor, i, intention, loud, mean, out loud, say

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

56 shares on Threads this month:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

44 shares on Discord this month:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Trending via Messenger:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

Spotted on Reddit:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

Live now on Discord:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I love having plans to cancel.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨