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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Y’all aren’t taking beautiful women to jazz clubs anymore, and that’s the problem.

Going viral on Snapchat:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Just shared via Threads:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Making waves on Twitch:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Shared recently on Discord:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Just shared via WeChat:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

Going viral on Facebook:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like your wifi needs a GPS to find the land of milk and honey! 🗺️📡📶

always, better, connectivity, desert, digital, humor, i, internet, joke, looking, occasionally, pun, signal, tech, tech humor, technology, wandering, wifi

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

2 months ago

communication, humor, i, joke, only, speak, squeak, witty, wordplay
Come on, karma, do your job.

1 week ago

come on, expectation, humor, irony, job, karma
My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

21 hours ago

bed, care, feeling, home, humor, i, morning, stay, stay home, take, take care, well
You’re so productive for your wage.

1 week ago

efficiency, humor, productive, productivity, sarcasm, wage, work
Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

1 week ago

Alexa, cleaning, conversation, household, humor, robot, Roomba, spider, technology, tell
Coffee is just goth water.

2 weeks ago

beverage, coffee, dark, goth, humor, just, water

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Messenger this month:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

72 shares on Snapchat this month:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

76 shares on Telegram this month:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m done wasting money this summer, unless you guys want to do something this weekend.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Occupation: the ugly friend!

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Spotted on Messenger:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Going bananas on Reddit:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Just landed via Twitch:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Just shared via Threads:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Trending via Messenger:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Come on, karma, do your job.

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

You’re so productive for your wage.

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Coffee is just goth water.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨