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The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

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Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

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I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

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My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

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UK rappers be like โ€œIโ€™ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeleyโ€

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I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

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In Russia, the cold complains about you.

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I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

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Turns out I've been training for the Olympics in stealth candy consumption ๐Ÿฌ๐ŸŽฌ๐Ÿคซ



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