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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,561

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Breaking via Facebook:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Just shared via YouTube:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Just landed via Reddit:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Just shared via Instagram:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Just shared via Slack:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Going viral on Facebook:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Turns out I've been training for the Olympics in stealth candy consumption 🍬🎬🤫

candy, dark, dark room, eating, humor, i, illegal, irony, liked, me, movie, movie theater, room, seeing, silence, snack, talk, theater, thought, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

0

2 months ago

activity, arguing, argument, August, dating, fun, fun activity, humor, relationships, road, road trip, start, trip
If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

0

2 months ago

bitter, bitter end, comfort, dark, dark humor, end, ever, feel, humor, i, knowing, mouth, murder, ran, ran mouth, sarcasm
Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

0

4 months ago

food, humor, nutrition, protein, question, science, things, think, wants
“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

0

2 months ago

Bluetooth, fun, game, humor, insane, lone, lone person, loud, observation, person, play, public, social, social observation, speaking
I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

0

2 months ago

book, chapters, couple, creativity, humor, i, murder, mystery, only, plot, plot twist, sarcasm, twist, writing
For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

0

4 weeks ago

Christmas, communication, humor, ID, understanding, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

57 shares on X this month:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Spotted on Discord:

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

Live now on Snapchat:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Just landed via Telegram:

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨