Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Well, if you were told the ice cream machine was broken at McDonald's, you might want to take that as a compliment in disguise! Who knew getting denied ice cream could be a subtle flattery? 🍦😂 #IceCreamDiscrimination"

bad, bad news, broken, broken machine, cream, denial, denied, ever, humor, i, ice, ice cream, job, machine, McDonald’s, news, people, told, ugly, used, work

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55 shares on X this month:

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

67 shares on X this month:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

58 shares on X this month:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

82 shares on X this month:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

53 shares on Discord this month:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

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Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

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Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

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Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

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Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

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Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

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Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Seen just now on Facebook:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Shared recently on TikTok:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Just landed via Reddit:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Making waves on Threads:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

Spotted on Instagram:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Wordgag ツ

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I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

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