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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,933

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Just shared via Slack:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Making waves on X:

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

Breaking via Instagram:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Trending via Telegram:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Proof that my body can multitask: sleep and be at work simultaneously! 💤😅 #SleepWorkBalance"

alarm, confusion, deep, humor, i, late, morning, panic, relief, sleep, thinking, wake, wake up, woke, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

0

2 months ago

catching, clumsiness, competition, dropping, event, humor, me, Olympics, phone, shine, sport
If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

0

2 months ago

anger, clean, cleaning, cleaning motivation, everyone, family, frustration, hours, house, humor, i, just, know, motivation, yell
If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

0

2 months ago

calm, calm down, complain, driving, hood, humor, least, road, safety, sarcasm, want
Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

0

2 months ago

annoyance, communication, conversation, humor, interrupt, interruption, middle, oh, sarcasm, sentence, sorry, wit, yours
I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

0

2 months ago

aging, anticipation, family, gray, gray hair, hair, humor, i, older, point, rivalry, sibling, sibling rivalry, sister, wait
Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

0

2 months ago

dating, hospital, humor, mental, mental hospital, relationship, someone, spouse, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Instagram this month:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

42 shares on X this month:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

53 shares on Discord this month:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Spotted on Reddit:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Breaking via WeChat:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Trending via Pinterest:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Trending via Reddit:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨