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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Just landed via Slack:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Breaking via Slack:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

Spotted on Telegram:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Going viral on YouTube:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Making waves on Discord:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Just landed via Pinterest:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

2 months ago

Funny Quotes

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Commentary:
"Pretty sure my bank account's therapist is on speed dial! 😂💸 #FinancialAnxiety"

account, anxiety, attack, bank, bank account, financial, financial stress, humor, i, me, money, panic, panic attack, personification, stress, wonder

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24 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That’s what a bird would do!

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

81 shares on X this month:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

61 shares on Threads this month:

Dying and being reincarnated as a beetle, and crawling to my old body’s grave, and digging down and living in my old ribcage.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

Making waves on Slack:

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

Just shared via Reddit:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Making waves on Discord:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Breaking via Reddit:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Live now on Telegram:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Just landed via TikTok:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Trending via Messenger:

I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.

Going viral on Reddit:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

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Activity Log ✨

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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