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Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Just shared via Reddit:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Freshly posted on X:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Just shared via Messenger:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Making waves on Snapchat:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about job hunting, highlighting humor around cover letters and work.

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Commentary:
"I'm ready to wrestle a bear for a job, but don't ask me to write a cover letter 🐻✍️🚫"

anything, application, cover, cover letter, employment, except, humor, i, job, job application, letter, procrastination, work, writing

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86 shares on Threads this month:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

49 shares on Slack this month:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Going viral on X:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Shared recently on Threads:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Seen just now on Instagram:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Seen just now on Threads:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Just shared via Discord:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Shared recently on Reddit:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Making waves on Instagram:

The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨