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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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3,751

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Going viral on Slack:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Breaking via X:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Making waves on YouTube:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Trending via Pinterest:

I used to really want to be understood. Now I mainly just want things like snacks and juice.

Just shared via Threads:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Trending via Instagram:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"This comment is clear as a bell, just like my knees during a storm! 😂🎤🌧️"

Adele, culture, hello, humor, i, joke, knee, knees, lionel, Lionel Richie, music, music reference, pop, pop culture, prediction, reference, richie, sing, think, weather, weather prediction, wordplay

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57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

22 shares on Slack this month:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

48 shares on X this month:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

40 shares on Reddit this month:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Spotted on Pinterest:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Trending via Threads:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Just landed via WeChat:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Shared recently on Discord:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Live now on Facebook:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

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Activity Log ✨

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨