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Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,466

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

Breaking via WeChat:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Live now on Messenger:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Going viral on Telegram:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Spotted on YouTube:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about marriage and laziness, humorously highlighting financial dreams and sofa lounging.

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Commentary:
"Who needs bigger rooms to clean when you can just hire someone to do it for you? 😆💰 #RichWifeGoals"

bigger, clean, cleaning, couch, humor, ID, lifestyle, luxury, lying, man, marriage, married, right, rooms, sarcasm, wealth

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

93 shares on Reddit this month:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

91 shares on Telegram this month:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I don’t understand why banks get so mad when you can’t pay back your loan. You already knew I had no money when I came to borrow it.

Seen just now on X:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Live now on TikTok:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Making waves on Discord:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

That looks like a problem for someone else.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

That looks like a problem for someone else.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨