Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,531

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

Making waves on Messenger:

All I think about is death and sex.

Just landed via Snapchat:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Trending via Facebook:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Trending via Instagram:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Clever humorous quote about enjoying late-night walks and music without men around.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like having a wholesome date with myself! 🌙🎧💁‍♀️

2, AirPods, am, every, exist, humor, i, late, late night, listen, men, music, night, relaxation, simply, solitude, walk

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

2 weeks ago

5, body, body image, fatter, future, here, humor, i, image, joke, myself, self, weight, where
I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

3 days ago

attitude, cheerful, confidence, dumping, full, ground, grumpiness, humor, mood, playful, pocket, positivity, sarcasm, self-esteem, sunshine
How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

2 days ago

aid, alphabet, alphabet song, am, childhood, childhood habit, choice, choices, count, counting, decision, decision making, finger, finger counting, fingers, habit, i, learning, learning method, letter, life, life choice, making, memory, memory aid, method, next, sing, song, still, whole
How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

2 weeks ago

communication, conflict, die, fire, humor, i, irony, respect, sarcasm, someone, tell
Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

4 days ago

animal, barn, biannual, cleaning, dental, humor, hygiene, just, teeth
“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

4 days ago

am, awareness, conversation, correct, head, humor, i, mind, self, thoughts, unfortunately

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

11 shares on X this month:

If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

52 shares on Threads this month:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

84 shares on Threads this month:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Trending via YouTube:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Spotted on Discord:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Trending via TikTok:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Going bananas on Slack:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Breaking via Slack:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Freshly posted on X:

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨