If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

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Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

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The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

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Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

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Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

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If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

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Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

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Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.