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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

Making waves on YouTube:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Seen just now on TikTok:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Seen just now on X:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Going bananas on Reddit:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Going viral on Threads:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Trending via Telegram:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Watch out, mirrors, it's forehead-kissing time! 😂💋👻

forehead, humor, i, joke, kiss, mirror, name, playful, say, show, superstition, three, times

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

0

2 months ago

90s, box, car, favorite, glove, glove box, hiding, nostalgia, seconds, skill, speed, stereo, under, uninstall
If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

0

2 months ago

activity, credit, credit score, ever, financial, fun, fun activity, humor, i, identity, identity theft, just, justice, mischievous, pay, prank, revenge, ruin, sarcasm, score, stole, theft
How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

0

2 months ago

apple, Apple Watch, audible, audible sigh, burn, calorie, credit, exercise, fitness, humor, i, me, sarcasm, self-awareness, sigh, technology, think, watch
I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, anxiety, done, enough, ethic, humor, i, motivation, much, procrastination, productivity, relaxation, relaxed, stress, stuff, too, work, work ethic
There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

0

2 months ago

communication, company, email, etiquette, humor, know, office, people, reply, work
Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

0

2 months ago

attitude, chore, daily, daily chore, dishwasher, hate, here, humor, imagine, just, me, sarcasm, unloading

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

56 shares on X this month:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Blink if you want me!

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I can resist everything except temptation.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

Just landed via TikTok:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨