If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

What are y’all gonna do when those labubus come to life and start biting y’alls ankles?

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”