If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

If you're alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I'll call and ask you when are you gonna get a "real" job and give me grandchildren.

Commentary:
“Who needs family drama when you can pay for it! 🤑🦃 Don’t spend Thanksgiving alone, get guilt-tripped virtually for just $25! 😂💸 #TurkeyAndTeasing”

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,
New funny quotes →
Follow us on X →
Follow us on Facebook →
Follow us on Pinterest →

Advertisement

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

    Commentary:
    “Maybe being a Librarian isn’t your calling, but you’ve definitely mastered the ‘shushing’ art! 🤫📚 Keep quiet and carry on, oh silent sage!”

  • You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

    Commentary:
    Looks like your sheets are the real haunted house! 🕯️👻 Better keep them clean—ghosts or no ghosts, nobody wants bed bugs or ghostly residue haunting their dreams! 😴🧼✨ Remember, even spirits appreciate a fresh start! 😉🛏️

  • Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

    Commentary:
    “Talk about bleeding red, white, and blue! 💙🩸❤️ Hope your period doesn’t sway your vote… or vice versa! Stay strong, period warrior! 💪🇺🇸 #PatrioticFlow”

  • I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the eternal struggle of life: battling with sunscreen like it’s a hide and seek champion 🤔🌞 Who needs enemies when you’ve got your elusive back as your nemesis? 🤷‍♂️😂 #SunscreenWars”

  • You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs salt for seasoning when you have a good old sprinkle of tears instead? 😂👩‍🍳 Just don’t forget to stir in some frustration and a pinch of existential crisis for that extra flavor boost! 😉🍳 #ChefsOfTheTears”

  • Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

    Commentary:
    “🌿 Guns N’ Roses: ‘Welcome to the jungle!’ 🌹 The jungle: ‘No more humans, please!’ 🚫👀 Looks like the jungle has spoken – guess it’s time to find a new welcome mat, Axl Rose! 🌳🦁”