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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

The inner child in me is open-mouth coughing on the inner child in you.

Seen just now on Discord:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Breaking via WeChat:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Going viral on Instagram:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Shared recently on Threads:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Live now on X:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Spotted on YouTube:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote highlighting humorous hesitation about trying new restaurant dishes.

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Commentary:
Sticking to my usual burger while I conquer the world, one bite at a time! 🍔😅💪

brave, bravery, choice, different, food, food choice, humor, kind, menu, order, restaurant, something

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Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Making waves on Threads:

What are cats even trying to do?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?

Breaking via WeChat:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Trending via Facebook:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Making waves on Reddit:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Breaking via TikTok:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Keep the laugh going 😂

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨